Wheel of Consent - Serve, Accept, Take & Allow

Yesterday I was able to celebrate the second part of the CACAO RITUAL Tantric Woman together with 33 wonderful women.
In the first part, the participants got to know the so-called Wheel of Consent (WOC).
After the joint cacao ritual, we made contact with our heart and our yoni in the second section and thus received answers to deep questions within us.

I would also like to give you an insight and introduce the said WOC model here. You can't describe the second part, everyone can experience it for themselves ;-)

connection and better communication

The Wheel of Consent is a model developed by American bodyworker Dr. Betty Martin was developed. Among other things, it supports you in bringing more clarity to your connections and in acquiring new communication skills.

It divides human actions into four areas. It is about seeing who is the active and who is the passive part and, above all, who is served by an action.
It is mainly used when it comes to touch or sexuality.

How do I get a breath of fresh air back into the relationship?

For example, when you are exchanging touches with your partner, are you aware if you are in a giving or receiving energy? Do you just allow yourself to receive or do you feel like you have to give something back? With the WOC you can get to know yourself in a playful way and question relationship dynamics and, if desired, change them. You see more precisely when you don't want something and also what you prefer. In long-term partnerships, we often get stuck at a certain point. A lot of things run according to routine and on autopilot - which doesn't exactly feel alive. That's why it's so important to keep questioning yourself and trying out new things.

The diagram below shows the four areas of the Wheel of Consent .

The Wheel of Consent

In the yellow areas are the actions that happen under voting. Outside you see the unhealthy forms up to encroaching actions.

Let's start at the top left. Think back to the example of exchanging touches with your partner.

The four areas of the Wheel of Consent

SERVE : Here you go into a giving energy. You want to do something good for your partner - he is the priority. You go into service and are attentive to his wishes.
That touch is for someone else.
Of course, it is very important that you do not overstep your own limits. However, since you are the executing force, you can pause or stop the touch at any time if you feel you can no longer give. Feel into yourself again and again whether you are still giving with all your heart or whether you are on the unhealthy side and ignore yourself.

Your partner, in turn, is at best in an accepting attitude. He can fully enjoy the gift of your touch without feeling like he has to give anything in return. (= ACCEPT bottom right).
The touch is quite clear to the acceptor.

Some people find it very difficult to just accept. If your partner or maybe you are one of these people, it can help to consciously name these two roles. This means that the permission is again very clear that one is only allowed to receive here.

Receiving is a gift and therefore not subject to conditions. A downside here would be when the receiver takes advantage of the server and demands more and more. Maybe even demands things that the other person doesn't even want to give.

Be honest and authentic

For this reason it is very important to note that even when you go into a giving energy, feel your body and your limits. Say if you don't want to give a touch or negotiate. "No, I don't want to massage your feet right now, but I would give you a calf massage".

The WOC is not just about YES and NO. It is a joint discovery, research and vote again and again.

Let's get to TAKE at the top right. This type of interaction is rather foreign to most. It's about you z. B. to take a touch from the partner. So you are the active part and "use" your counterpart for your own pleasure.

When I lead this exercise in my workshops, many participants find it harder than giving. This is due to linked thoughts/emotions such as assault or shame.
Here it is particularly important to have the other person's agreement, because otherwise one can indeed slip onto the toxic side.

For example, it can be determined which parts of the body may not be touched. These rules allow the recipient to feel free and to let go. A wonderful experience in my opinion. The action is actively performed by the person taking and is for themselves. Of course, this can and should also feel good for the person being taken from.

The counterpart to ALLOW on the bottom left is passive. This person surrenders and can let himself go. It is important to clarify beforehand what is out of the question for him/her. Especially for people who have a lot of responsibility and tend to have a strong need for control, this kind of commitment can be very transformative.

Devotion does not mean giving up and letting everything be done with you. Here we would again be on the dark side, where someone lets things happen to them in order to feel like a victim at the same time or at the latest afterwards.

Create a safe framework

As you can see, the boundaries are sometimes thin and it's a good idea to just try this model out with someone you already trust and are close to.

In addition, I can only recommend observing yourself in contact with your partner or other close people. With whom do you take which role and do you allow yourself to change your role within relationships?

The Wheel of Consent is designed to help you visualize dynamics and get to know yourself better. It's not for you to escape into your head with every human contact and ask yourself what energy I'm in right now. The combination with cacao helps here, which connects your head with your feelings. So you can use this knowledge and at the same time let yourself be guided by cacao and your intuition.

Have fun playing and trying out.
your Leni